I pretty much ignored the Olympic summer games, but one story caught my attention. Social media berated a female gymnast over various transgressions for a couple of days, which happens, unfortunately. What stuck with me was her response, which included mention of “the twisties.” (“How Fear Affects the Mental Health and Physical Safety of Gymnasts”.) For a gymnast, the proprioceptive sense of one’s own place in physical reality while twisting through the air is key to performance and even survival. Suddenly misplacing that ability is dangerous. 

Twisties, Bailing, and Balking

I learned other sport slang apropos to a writer’s life. “Bailing”—a gymnast comes out of a move before it is complete, like a single flip when a double was planned. “Balking”—they hesitate or stop the stunt before it’s really begun. I realized that these ideas apply to anyone who aims to accomplish something special. Although I’m an excellent balker and frequent bailer, twisties feels right for my current thought distortion. 

Out of Nowhere

This fall several of my long-sought goals are within fingertip reach: Montag Press has slated my novel for publication. I’m on several panels at a science fiction/fantasy convention. I’m teaching a writing seminar. But disorientation crashed in— hard—yesterday, out of the blue. Maybe nerves about public speaking, maybe free-floating anxiety about other things entirely, but the word “twisties” floated to the surface. I like it, and it’s oh so descriptive of the sensation. 

Twisties Self-Care

A gymnast in the CCN article spoke of overcoming the twisties by going back to the beginning: She learned how to do the stunts all over again, starting them as floor exercises. I’m not any sort of athlete let alone a gymnast, but I can still apply that advice to my own back-to-basics process. Three steps come to mind:

• One: My sorely neglected spiritual/mental health hygiene routines as well as mindful living.
• Two: Release the fear of things I can’t control and not take on other people’s worries as my own.
• Three: Analyze where the twisties come from in my writing life. Is it a flare up of imposter syndrome? Anxiety over upcoming social interactions? Worry over lack of publication control? Whatever the reasons, I can either solve these issues rationally or release them into the wild as out of my hands. 

The things to NOT do: Bail on my ambition. Baulk permanently. I’ll go back to basics, if need be, but recognize these feelings are a natural part of the process. With some gentle self-care, I’ll find place. 

If you are interested in following this blog thread on the gritty details of the writing process the category is “Author’s Journal.” I also post about my writing process in an informal way on Facebook (@kbkathylbrown). You can subscribe to the blog or my monthly newsletter from the website landing page (scroll down).